Ise Monogatari - Episode 11
昔おとこ、あづまへゆきけるに、ともだちどもに、みちよりいひをこせける。
わするなよ
ほどはくもゐに
なりぬともそら行月（ゆくつき）の
めぐりあふまで
むかしおとこ、あづまへゆきけるに、ともだちどもに、みちよりいひをこせける。わするなよほどはくもいになりぬともそらゆくつきのめぐりあふまで
Long ago, while a man was traveling to the distant Azuma[1] region, he sent poems to his friends from his destinations,
Don’t forget me completely
Though the distance between us is great, like the clouds above
Just as the moon will return full in the sky,
We shall meet again.
[1] Azuma is the modern day Kanto region of Japan.
Translation rationale -
For this chapter from the Ise Monogatari, I wanted the prose to match the poetry. One of the problems I encountered when reading some the professional translations was that there was a disconnect between the sound of the prose and the sound of the poetry. Since this chapter was written hundreds of years ago, I wanted it to read as such. Therefore, I kept the old name from the Kanto region, Azuma, in the poem and I explained it in a footnote. In the poem, I shortened the third and second to last lines to make them read more smoothly as in my initial translations they were a bit choppy. I really tried to bridge the gap between the feelings of the poetry and prose that we see in the other translations. I did this by trying to make the prose sound story-like instead of just stating facts about the traveling man. I tried to amplify the two metaphors the most because I wanted them to make sense in the context of the poem.
As I said before, I still think the prose section of this episode sounds too causal since this is a chapter that was written hundreds of years ago. Compared to Mostow/Tyler translation (click for professional translations), mine differs as I tried to make the prose sound more story-like and more archaic. As for the poetry, I’m not exactly sure what the translators mean by “Though the long way between us, Merges into cloud” as such, I think my translation is clearer. He also fails to mention that the author wishes to meet his friends again, such as the moon returns full to the sky.
McCullough translation still has the same issue as M/T’s translation in which the prose is a bit too casual. Although I think it does a better job than M/T’s does of capturing the feeling of the story. However, I still think mine sounds more natural in conjunction with the poem. McCullough and I both explain that the author wishes to be reunited with his friends once again as she says “remember me until I come again” while I say “we shall meet again”. Although her translation strays from the original poem as it doesn’t mention remembering the author but instead just not forgetting him. McCullough does a great job at explaining the moon reference by explaining it as a celestial journey.