サラダ記念日 - Salad Anniversary
Alley Cat
自転車のカゴ
からわんとはみ
出してなにか
嬉しいセロリの葉っぱ。
じてんしゃのカゴ
からわんとはみ
だしてなにか
うれしいセロリのはっぱ。
Sticking out from the basket of a bicycle, something happy, in the leaves of celery.
Always American
「スペインに
行こうよ」風の
坂道を
駆けながら言う
行こうと思う。
「スペインに
いこうよ」かぜの
さかみちを
かけながらいう
いこうとおもう。
“Let’s go to Spain”, you say,
While running down the windy hill.
I’ve decided to go.
“Flash fiction is a form new to many Americans—not so for the Japanese.”
Tanka is a Japanese invented form that falls into the category, which, these days, we are calling flash fiction. The invention of the Tanka style of writing dates back to the eighth century AD, perhaps even further. As such, Tanka has experienced many evolutions from one in which the strict 5-7-5-7-7 rule of the upper and lower phases was adhered to, to being one which is more flexible to the authors own images for their stories. In modern times, Tawara Machi, a celebrated Tanka writer, has fused together different aspects of old and new, such as how she breaks apart the syntactic structure of a sentence over more than one line. Tawara Machi has created stories, which are now more accessible for younger generations as they cover topics known all too well to the current reader.
Translating Tawara Machi’s Salad Anniversary was the perfect introduction to translating Japanese poems. These poems are written in modern Japanese, which makes them much easier for the beginner translator to understand. However, they still hold more challenging components such as cultural references and interesting grammar. These poems create a controlled challenge for the translator, one of which is possible but still causes the translator to think and investigate. I have gained knowledge in multiple areas such as, how to interpret difficult grammar points, how to decipher the presence of different voices, and how to interpret themes in a poem to use toward my own translation.
Tawara Machi’s style of writing Tanka has been considered to have revolutionized the way of the Tanka. When comparing Twara Machi’s Tanka with the poems found in the Hyakunin Isshu, the more modern form of Tanka can be seen in all of its glory. With poem topics ranging far outside of the popular topics of the Hyakunin Isshu, the syllabic meter being broken time and again, and having been written in a more easily understood way, these poems become accessible to a larger audience. However, much like in the Hyakunin Isshu, Tawara Machi finds the beauty in the most insignificant objects and clearly articulates the feelings of her surroundings, all within the constraints of flash fiction.
Translation rationale - Alley Cat
The syllabic meter of this poem is the same as the traditional 5-7-5-7-7 syllabic meter of the old Tanka. The total count for this poems syllabic meter is the usual 31.
The grammar in this poem is mostly straightforward until the slightly confusing line 何か嬉しいセロリの葉っぱ. At first glance, it seems as though the line 何か嬉しい (something happy) is describing the noun セロリ(celery) however, with the noun “something”, this didn’t quite make sense (something happy celery VS. happy celery). The best way I was able to translate it was to break up 何か嬉しい as its own part of the sentence reading in English simply as, something happy, alluding to “there is something happy in the way the leaves of celery stick out from the bicycle basket”.
The narrative voice for this poem is only one voice, which is making a statement about their feelings toward the celery in the bicycle basket, giving the poem a whimsical feel, the happiness of the green-ness of a winter vegetable juxtaposed again the white snow. In terms of cultural references, there seems to be a deep sense of everyday life and whimsicality in this poem for the Japanese reader as carrying groceries in one’s bicycle basket is an everyday phenomenon. However, in other countries, specifically the USA this may bring back images of an older time but one that many of us have never experienced.
When I read this poem, I immediately thought back to my study abroad days of riding my bike back to my dorm from the local grocery store, or of older ladies carrying their shopping on their bicycles. However, for someone who has never experienced life in Japan, the imagery associated with this poem may be different.
As mentioned above, much of my thematic interpretation of this poem relates to everyday life in Japan, one, which is high tech, yet at the same time, one in which many tasks are done similarly to how they were years ago. For example, drying laundry outside, making pickles from cucumbers grown in a home garden, or say, riding one's bicycle to and from the grocery store. These parts of everyday life in Japan differ quite significantly from the typical American lifestyle, so they stand out quite a bit more for the American reader.
The full imagery associated with this poem for me is of a woman walking down the sidewalk on a winter day, seeing someone bike past with their shopping in their bicycle basket. The celery that was just purchased bounces up and down with the movement of the bicycle, and the woman walking has a sudden feeling of happiness and calmness at the way in which the leaves of the celery move in this familiar scene.
Happiness in the minute details of everyday life seems to be the main theme of the poem.
In comparison to the professional translations (click for professional translations), in terms of grammar and style, Juliet Winters Carpenter adheres much more closely to the same word order and style of the original, whereas Jack Stamm’s translation is significantly longer and adds many words that aren’t in the original. Carpenter takes the translation much more literally and doesn't add any extra frills while Stamm seems to have been using the poem as a guideline and making the translation almost his own poem. I much prefer Carpenter’s translation as it adheres to the same goals I have when translating, which can be seen by the similarities between my translation and Carpenter translation.
In my opinion, the syllabic meter of an English translation is rather unimportant. The main point of the translation is obviously to recreate the story in the target language in such a way that is understandable to a non-native speaker. As such, adhering to the traditional syllabic count is less important than creating a translation that fully expresses the meaning that the author had intended.
Translation rationale - Always American
Just like the above poem this poem does not stray from the 5-7-5-7-7 rule, this poem adds up to the usual 31. While I struggled a bit with breaking the poem up into the correct syllabic meter, one can still see by reciting the whole poem regardless of the breaks that the total syllabic meter (31) has been adhered to. The only way to break it up into the traditional syllabic meter is,
「スペインに 5
行こうよ」風の 7
坂道を 5
駆けながら言う 7
行こうと思う。7
However, the way in which this would have to be broken up is very bizarre and makes the poem harder to understand. The lines, in my belief, should not break at a particle, such as にin the first line, or を in the third line. However, this fact allows us to see how Tawara Machi adheres to the syllabic meter but actually breaks the inner structure of Tanka.
The first break with only three lines was the best I could do in terms of breaking up the lines, even though it includes a break at a particle. If it were completely up to me on how to break up the poem I would do it this way,
「スペインに行こうよ」
風の坂道を駆けながら
言う行こうと思う。
By doing it this way the poem is broken up in places that make logical sense, however, it would then stray very far from the 5-7-5-7-7 rule even if it does ultimately add up to be the normal 31 syllables. However, this doesn’t seem to be a major problem, seeing as Tanka are sometimes written out as a single line.
The grammar in this poem is rather straightforward except for the line “風の坂道を駆けながら” perhaps this is just a language difference but it seems that this part is meant to describe people running down a hill, however, the の particle that connects 風 (wind) and 坂道 (slope) makes this sentence read as though the people were physically running down the wind on the slope, rather then the slope itself. However, in my translation I have taken this の as a way to describe the slope, that being a windy slope. Another part that seems confusing is “言う行こうと思う。” This part is confusing because of the double verb that happens here between いう and 行こう. Initially, I wanted to translate it as “I’ve decided to say let's go” however I think that would be written as “行こうと言おうと思う” because the 言おうと思う is the grammar point meaning "decided to VERB", in this case, the verb here would be “to say”. I have never seen a situation in which a verb can be connected to another verb without 〜てor 〜のは. So this grammar point was quite confusing at first.
After further exploration of this section of the Tanka, it seems that this particular Tanka has multiple voices, those being of the person suggesting the trip and the person deciding to go. As such, the confusion between the mentioned lines above become more clear, 駆けながら言う, appears to be the person inviting our poet, while 行こうと思う is the voice of the poet deciding to go. The narrative voice of this poem seems at first to only belong to one person however after more investigation it becomes clear that it is, in fact, two voices. The first one is suggesting the trip to Spain, while the last voice is making a decision about agreeing to this while performing the action of running.
My thematic interpretation is that of adventure. The two people seem to be free spirits who love spontaneity. That being said, the second speaker also seems a little hesitant. Instead of saying immediately, “yes let's go” the speaker takes time to consider the suggestion, but ultimately decides to go, suggesting they are perhaps more practical than their partner but also still craving some adventure.
In relation to the professional translations (click for professional translations), both of the poems seem to fail to translate the grammar precisely as it appears in the original poem. Juliet Winters Carpenter translates the last line as “I want to go” where this could be interpreted as the speaker wants to go but does not give the first speaker an answer as to if they will go or not. The second poem uses the line “running up a hill” instead of Carpenter's "running down a windy slope", while the direction is not specified in the poem it is interesting that both authors interpreted that line in two different directions, one running up and the other running down. Jack Stamm's translation seems to translate the last line a bit more closely to the original poem, however, the way that the author has written it makes it sound as though the person has decided to go but is unsure if that is the correct decision. This differs from my thematic interpretation in which I feel that the speaker takes a minute to decide if they want to go but once they have made the decision they feel sure about it, whereas he makes it sound as though the speaker makes a quick decision but then becomes unsure if it is really what they want to do.